


resignation to the end

by cendal



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-25
Updated: 2012-02-25
Packaged: 2017-10-31 17:41:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/346720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cendal/pseuds/cendal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Eridan Ampora, and you were never the prince of anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	resignation to the end

**Author's Note:**

> lmfao this is stupid and basically just me retelling eridans story

Everything always told you that you always had a second chance, no matter what.

She looks beautiful like this, her hair brushed out of her face and her eyes closed as she laughs delightedly, her head thrown back with the force of it. You want to keep this moment forever, tucked away in your memory banks, something that's just between you and her. She leans against your arm and tells you, for the millionth time, that you are the best friend she's ever had, and while the sentiment elates you, the word "friend" brings an ache to your chest that feels a little like heartbreak.

"You too," you say, a beat too late for it to be completely normal. You don't think she notices.

You don't know how, but when you were given the choice between red and pale, you promised to protect her. You're stuck in the best and worst relationship of your life.

She tries to be a good moirail--tries to help you, to stop you from being a menace to society and to yourself. You try just as hard, maybe because you don't think anyone else could realize that she needs to be conciliated. You almost envy her her grace and her natural personality, condescension and saccharinity rolled up into a mess of highflown ideals and a steel core beneath layers and layers of sweet-and-sour.

No, it isn't "almost". Bitter jealousy bleeds purple in your veins. You try so hard when it's effortless for her, and that makes you resent her, just a little. Mostly, it makes you want to do what you promised. No one else can see how poisonous she can be, and that's why you have to.

When she smiles at you, her teeth white and sharp, you smile back, something dark and heavy coiling in your stomach that feels like betrayal.

You tell Karkat that you can't go on like this, leading her on in this fucked-up moirallegiance. You have to confess to her, you say. It isn't fair to either of you to keep your feelings inside.

He expresses his surprise that you realize this. When you're about to ask him what he expected of you, he says that you're making the right choice. You should have done it in the first place, but it's better late than never. Tonight could be your night.

You repeat that to yourself later as you stand in your hive holding a Faygo, hoping with everything you have that it's true.

It isn't, and what else can you expect? You were never as important to her as she was to you.

You slaughter angel after angel, and it feels like forgetting.

"I hate this," you whisper as Karkat threads his fingers through your hair, soft and tender, adjectives that could never describe Feferi. You mean what you say: you detest how Feferi won't even speak to you now, too busy with Sollux; you hate how everyone seems to be going to great lengths to avoid you. You're tired and afraid and the troll beside you now, the only one who takes the time out of his schedule to talk to you and visit you on your ravaged land, is the only thing that feels like home.

His index finger scratches the back of your neck and he says, "I know." He sounds weary, but it's a sort of age-old lassitude that makes you want to wrap yourself around him to act as a shield from everything that could ever hurt him. He's the only one who understands, and you never knew it would bring you this much relief.

You settle for hooking an arm around him and pulling him closer. His hand trails down from your neck to your back, rubbing soothing circles, and a sigh slips out of your mouth as you tilt your head so that it rests against his.

He doesn't protest.

You spend your days on the meteor feeling useless, playing around with your wand and looking at your shitty wand pile. You think that it's a bit ironic, how you've held that fascination with magic, or science, or whatever it is, and now you are a true wielder of its power.

Karkat comes to talk to you when he isn't talking to anyone else, which is becoming increasingly less often. He's much more interested in two of the humans--John and Jade, you think their names are--than he used to be. You feel empty and alone without his company.

Kanaya talks to you on a slightly more regular basis, snarky and easily exasperated as always, but at least she's there. She soon loses interest and excuses herself to chat with another one of the humans, Rose this time.

You wonder what it will take for someone to notice that you're drowning without a way out.

Your hands tremble and you can't look at him. You stare resolutely at the walls as you step onto the transportalizer, and you turn your back to him, your feet mere inches from Kanaya's body. You feel sick and angry and numb, mixing together into a stone in your chest that makes it hard to feel anything at all.

Isn't it funny how you create such a line of betrayals?

You swallow a sob, and then, it's too easy to disconnect yourself from your emotions. You're in the right, you try to convince yourself. You didn't mean to hurt anybody, and it was their fault, their fault for trying to kill you when all you wanted was to see if she _cared_ \--

You move on, and you feel almost glad when you see Vriska in her orange outfit and she gives you that smug, secretive grin of hers that makes it seem like she knows all about what you've done.

Your name is Eridan Ampora, and you were never the prince of anything.


End file.
